Life Lessons from Henry Frankenstein
1. Always double check your brain.
2. Don’t have a self-destruct lever in the castle.
3. Don’t have your lab in a castle. Practicality should be a guide here.
4. Don’t hire help that:
- Has only a first name (i.e. Fritz, Karl, or Ygor)
- Likes to torture newly created beings with fire or other elemental forces
- Is played by Dwight Frye
5. Let your fiancé know the nature of your research and keep regular hours. It keeps her happy and lessens the likelihood of her showing up with a well-meaning but ultimately misguided friend just as things go sour at the castle/lab.
6. When you create a new and surprisingly strong life:
- Treat it respectfully. No chains and barred doors. They hate that.
- If it storms off into the inky blackness of the mud and rain, you should react with something other than “oh, good, that’s taken care of, then.”
- Don’t try to set her up with someone she hasn’t met. Especially if he’s got bolts in his neck.
7. If you live in an indeterminate Slavic country or other area rife with peasant superstition, don’t expect them to “get it” with no help. Make friends with the local council members. Watch out for prosthetic-armed law enforcement officials. Consider hiring a really good PR firm. Riots are ugly things.
8. If the monster is in the house, and your fiancé is in the house, perhaps you should check your fiancé’s room before you check the attic. Just in case.
9. Don’t follow anyone into a windmill. Ever.
10. If one or two people said you were mad, that could be envy. If they all said you were mad, maybe a quick trip to a therapist wouldn’t hurt. I’m just saying.